How Fitness Saved My Life

By reading the title of this blog you may assume that fitness "saved my life" because I was overweight and by discovering the world of fitness I was "saved" from things such as diabetes and heart disease. In a way you are correct to assume so. We all know that being physically fit will in fact decrease your odds of developing any of those things, as well as tons of others. This is not one of those stories though. In the year 2010 I was 210 pounds, and I was in a spot in my life that I don't really like to admit happened. I had just had my second child, moved back in with my parents, and I was in a relationship that caused constant bitterness and sadness. More than anything else, I was plain unhappy and as much as I tried to pretend things were OK, they weren't. Coming from a family where knee problems were prevelant I got scared once my knees started to hurt as well. The panic was a good thing, I didn't want to become like the rest of the family and be forced to use a walker and so I knew I had to do something. That's when it started. Slowly at first I began watching what I ate, and following exercise videos in my parents computer room. I never dieted, I just made better food choices, and ate things in moderation. Soon, I fell in love with exercising. My body thanked me, and so did my brain. The stresses of life were still there, but at least now they were getting easier to deal with. It took time and a whole lot of work, but by 2011 I was 135 pounds. Even though I had lost the weight I hadn't quite been able however to see for myself how my relationship was affecting me emotionally. Because I had been overweight I had felt for so long that I did not deserve better than what I was dealing with at home. It was one night after being called a MILF at the bar by some stranger that it hit me, I am beautiful. I am worth more. I am strong. Funny now that hearing those words are all it took for me to realize those things. Sad too. My self esteem was so low being a big girl that I didn't feel like I deserved the kind of love that every woman deserves. Instead I allowed myself to be broken, to be called a "bitch" and to lied to, and cheated on, and stole from. Now, I am not saying that fitness "saved my life" because I lost weight and looked better. I am saying fitness "saved my life" because I lost weight and found myself. I discovered that under it all I was a strong woman who could accomplish anything I set my mind to. Tae Bo made me feel empowered, Zumba made me feel sexy, Jullian Michaels made me realize I could push myself to my limit and come back for more. Despite being emotionally broken for so many years fitness let me discover a part of me I did not know existed. Finally, I loved myself. In 2011 I seperated from my ex husband. I was no longer affraid of being a single mom. I knew that I could do it. I was strong. I moved on, I began to teach Zumba, I got certified in Personal Training. I found myself. The self that had been hiding behind a broken girl. I still struggle with my weight, especially now after having a third child (now with a good man who does not degrade me). But, I am thankful every day for finding fitness, for moving past the knee pain (which is long gone), and for never having excuses to not take care of myself. Everyday I am thankful for fitness. Fitness saved my life because without it I may not have found out who I am suppose to be, without it I may have still been stuck in a miserable existence crying myself to sleep every night. Without it I don't know where I would be in life, but I can tell you it wouldn't be somewhere I would wish for anyone. Fitness saved my life, and helped make me, me. A strong, empowered, beautiful woman.